5th July 2019 — Fergus
Creative writing task
Lombard, uncomfortable his legs are cramped sitting in the small confinement of the seat. Lombard sitting on the train in his tidy pinstripe blue suit, he has a witty look about him starring out the window into the distance of the lush green trees and bushes.The bushes and trees taking his mind to back to when he was in the African jungle. Oh such bad memories the African jungle brings back to him.
Hi Fergus,
Good to see you try to develop the full scene rather than just rely on simply stating things.You need to work on carry this through your writing.
You need to watch out for repetition, both of your first sentences start with Lombard. This makes your writing a little clumsy. Your final two sentences about the trees bringing his memories back are also repeating the same point.